Hole
by InkWave
Summary: This is musing came from reading a Hikaru death fic, link inside. What would Akira do without Hikaru if he kept on living? Tragic, hints at Akira/Hikaru. This idea came to me as I was writing a review for the original fanfic.


// This bit/ramble/inspiration came from a fanfic that I read http:// .org/ sabina/NnY/fiction/ , I added spaces so hopefully you can see it. Proof by Contradiction by Petronia. What really hit me though was her portrayal of the homevideo, I would recommend that you read that part(in italics at the beginning and end) before you read my story but it isn't necessary. I tried my hand at the home video part, but her's hit me hard, though the rest of the story was a little odd.

Thanks for reading this, please review. Hikaru no Go does not belong to me and I was inspired by Petronia, the homevideo idea completely belongs to her.

_//_

_The boy sat in front of the camera, set on a chair of some sort, fidgeting. He had never really been able to sit still unless he was playing GO, studying GO, or even thinking about GO. The only exception being when he got melancholy like clockwork in May, then he could sit for hours looking at nothing with eyes decades older than they should be. He sighed than said with playful anger, 'Arrgh, I am here just waiting for you and it killing me. I thought this might help … you right, I really don't like to be alone.'_

'_But if it likes this I can pretend that you are right in front of me… I know it just pretend, but I like this kind of pretend. I really do miss you. I even sleep with your pillow instead of mine when you are gone. '_

_Wiping his forehead in exaggerated relief the boy continued, 'There I confessed. Not that you are ever going to watch this. Getting you near anything that's not GO related is practically impossible, but it makes me feel better.'_

'_But if I were really going to confess,' he says curling up in a ball the space around him looking to large, 'I miss you. I know that you are coming back tomorrow but it always like this, when you're gone, when I'm gone it's even worse. Maybe I should take your pillow next time,' the boy laughs._

'_Well… Good night, I'm going back to bed. See you soon.' Leaning closer to turn of the camera, he thinks better of it, blowing a kiss from his GO callused hand. He mouths something else, before leaning forward his heated cheeks captured lovingly by the camera._

Touya sat on his old sofa, the same one from the background of the home video that had lapsed into the crackling blackness. The clock struck 2 o' clock in the morning, his abandoned glass of whiskey sitting on the coffee table a ring of moisture around the bottom.

Watching everything again for the hundredth time, at once bringing up fond memories as he stabs himself in the heart again and again remembering what he lost. His Go now a shadow of what it once was, lacking the passion to push upwards while he still continues to rest at the top. Until finally it all culminates in him tearing apart his semi-ordered apartment. Throwing books to floor, knocking over furniture until he stumbles across something of Hikaru's, something he can't destroy or even throw on the floor for the life of him. He tries to suppress the rage, the sorrow, inside of him until his stillness breaks down as he sobs his heart out on the floor again for the hundredth time.

His shoulder shake with his sobs but he eventually get up and puts everything away again, all the breakable items having been long since replaced with unbreakable ones. Akira knew that he couldn't escape the cycle, didn't even want, since that would be an abandonment of his precious memories, of his Hikaru. Reaching out he touches the Goban, tracing the 19 by 19 grid. It's enough now. He can fall asleep, if you can call it sleep. He prefers the catatonic rest to any of his dreams.

His dreams, their even crueler than the home videos. He wakes up gasping in them, always reaching for the body that should be beside him. His arm reaches out some morning, just to check and see if he had finally waken up from the nightmare his life had become, other times wanting to contine the dream as if it had never ended. But he was gone. Gone for good, no matter how many time he woke up.

He wondered how long it could continue. When would he stop wanting to wake up? He wondered if he had passed that point a long time ago. Maybe it had been gone the moment he had received the news. Why did he still get up? Maybe tomorrow morning he would just lie there, not go to his game, not even move.

He laughed. It was the most horrible and terrifying thing in the world. If his friends and family had heard his laugh they would know, know what he knew. He was already broken. He just hadn't stopped moving yet, like a windup toy that slowly jerked as it finally ground to a halt. When he stopped …then, then he would be with Hikaru. And they could play all the GO in the world, nothing to distract them, nothing to keep them apart.

But, he kept moving. Maybe he would find out why soon? Collapsing onto their bed, he closed his eyes. The waning moon slipped through the gap in the curtain to glisten in the tears still falling from the eyes of the unconscious man.

The End.


End file.
